Heart to heart talk: Future plans and fear of taking decisions

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Hey pretties,

I hope you’re doing well. Sorry for being quite MIA lately but as you know me I work hard but basically I dedicate my entire day (and life) to everything I do and I end up always with no time to do anything else except my daily stuff.

And this is one of those periods as well so I felt like not writing any fancy post but instead just being real to you guys and dedicate this post to a true heart to heart talk about what’s going on in my life atm, cause maybe writing it down will also make me feel lighter and see things from a different perspective, since this is what we need sometimes.

Where to start? I hope this will not get you confused but there is no actual starting point so you’ll see I’ll just go through many topics at the same time. Let’s just say that after I graduated I hade many hopes and I thought I would have gotten job pretty quickly but without skirting to much around it, I’ll just tell you I send tons of emails and no company responded. So I started to think that I wasn’t maybe enough qualified and while sending cv I studied graphic design so that I could have all the skills to be called for an internship. But that didn’t happen.

I felt frustrated and useless. As a little side note, you should know that in Italy we have a true big problem with youth unemployment, like crazy, companies are highly taxed and they can’t hire young people without work experience and the latest reforms have done even worse. But what is really unacceptable is that here in South Italy there is no way to find a job, first because companies are very few (and inexistent in some work fields like mine) and second because those survived companies can’t hire you for the reason explained above. So, in order to get a job and a life you are drawn to North Italy where economy is more solid or abroad but this would be a dream come true to me, because I’ve always wanted to live in another place, where even the way of thinking is way wider and different. And this leads me to the next topic.

So since I had still found no job, I started looking for contests, so that I could gain experience and eventual visibility. And I was chosen as one of the participants and was so happy about it and still I am full of joy and pride when I see my designs getting life stich by stich. But then thing became complicated. As I told you, I’ve always had this feeling of going away and the fact that I couldn’t find a job pushed me even more so I decided to leave after the contest was done. But surprisingly my parents didn’t want me to. And that shocked me. I wanted to go away and find a job as fashion designer assistent and if I didn’t manage to in a short time I would have found any kind of job that allowed me to progressively get the life I wanted but they just started to told me no, no, no.

There’s no easy way to describe how I felt. Brokenhearted, confused, angry, useless, anxious, desperate and I found myself left in pieces with low self-esteem and the plans of a life destroyed, by the people you love the most.

So after several fights here I am, writing it down for you, trying to find a way to heal myself after the latest refusal. But I know I’m not the only one on this earth feeling this way right now. So this post is for everyone who’s feeling down and suffering from anxiety, rejection and much more. I know it hurts, even more when you are hurt by the people you love. But now that I’m taking my time here with you, I’ll say these words to you and to me at the same time.

You are strong, you are powerful and you are worth it. You MUST change things, you gotta do it for yourself, for your happiness, because as much as these people love you, they will never be you and you know what’s best for you, they can only give you advise, but remember that an advise isn’t always the best for you. You can’t let those people bring you down and convince you that your dreams are too big. You know what you are capable of and if you fail, well you know? It’s ok. You are gonna learn from your mistakes but if you don’t take chances in your life you will never know if something is right for you. Fear destroys happiness and you can’t let other people’s fear hold you back from your destiny and dreams. I know I must go away beacuse otherwise my family will always take decisions for me that I dislike and I couldn’t live my life plenty.
Of course you will still love them and they will still love you and this bond is forever, no matter what happens, but you have to be brave and take your decisions firmly, because I think that every type of freedom is beautiful but maybe the freedom to fail is the best.

So, I will stand for my dreams and my decisions. And you?

Share your story with me in the comments below and trust me, you’ll feel vulnerable yet stronger than ever.

I hope I didn’t bore you with this post and mostly I hope you find a shoulder to cry on and some relief.

I shall write you very soon though, even if I not very sure about what.
Until then stay true and free, just the way you are.

 

Love,

Ally

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